why ‘i told you so’ isn’t helpful

the internet and social media and life is so ripe with ego. ⁠
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gain some self-awareness and work to let yours go as much as possible. ⁠
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when people start to change in the way you hoped just let them. there's no need to take credit. ⁠
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if a colleague chooses to go plant-based after you've been applauding it for years just invite them in and recommend a great recipe.⁠
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if your best friend starts running after you hit mile one thousand just welcome them to the club and ask about their goals. ⁠
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if a family member decides to stop following a certain public figure after you stopped two years ago just wonder aloud what led them to that decision and listen. ⁠
if your spouse finally stops drinking alcohol just pat them on the back and ask how you can help.⁠
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if a neighbor begins to question the media years after you stopped listening altogether just smile and become curious about how it's going.⁠
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drop. the. ego.⁠
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someone else's decision to change is not about you. even if they give you credit. feel free to say you're welcome and then remind them of their own self-agency. that they made the choice. that they are responsible. it will beget more change for them in the future if they understand that they are in fact owners of their own ignition.

when someone finally arrives at the place you hoped they would it's time for you to put your own ego aside. it's natural to want to say : i've been saying that for months. or : i was hoping you'd finally see what i see. or : if only you had listened to me weeks ago. or : where were you when i said that before? but if your concern and focus is truly the change that you wish to see then you'll put those statements aside. otherwise your concern and focus is really just about taking credit for someone else's shift. statements that lead with a tone of

'i told you so' is all about ego. which is really all about insecurity. it's demotivating and immediately takes agency away from the person who is looking to change. don't make their shift about you.

leave it for them so that it produces even more.