why we confuse confidence for arrogance

there is a fine line between arrogance and confidence. and as our society inches further and further away from being able to withstand discomfort i see more and more people who confuse confidence for arrogance. the truth is that confidence often makes people uncomfortable. bearing witness to a confident person can easily activate feelings of insecurity and self-doubt and jealousy. these feelings are difficult for many and unbearable for some. and so it is in that discomfort that they choose to identify someone else as arrogant rather than confident. because if they can expeditiously vilify the other then it provides a vehicle for offloading that which is uncomfortable and allows them to opt out of looking inward.

i enjoy surrounding myself with confident people. many friends and colleagues and clients and even those in my social media circle are confident. they have a strong sense of self-esteem that is grounded in their experience and expertise and self-awareness. they know who they are and they know who they aren't and they know how they want to continue evolving. it's inspiring and amazing and wonderful to be around. ⁠
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but confidence makes many people uncomfortable. sometimes it makes me uncomfortable. even my own confidence can make me feel uncomfortable. at times i fear that others will confuse my confidence for arrogance. because that is the trend. ⁠
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in working with many clients over the last two decades and watching the landscape of social media grow and unfold where any opinion seems to be an opinion worth considering it's interesting to see others confuse confidence for arrogance. a strong and confident voice will attract comments regarding arrogance and ego and narcissism. as if being secure and stable and strong should be something we hide rather than showcase. ⁠
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as a clinician i encourage my clients to accept and confidently own what they are good at and embrace their sense of self. to know their worth and acknowledge value. to not be afraid of self-security and stability and strength. there will be critics of course. but those critics are often criticizing from a position of insecurity and instability. from jealousy and envy. from comparison and competition. because watching confident people be confident isn't always easy.⁠
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when there is a strong tug or pull to label someone as arrogant check yourself. where is it coming from? what are you really responding to? them or something more deep and internal that's going on within you? ⁠
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arrogant people exist. and so do confident people. draw the line. distinguish the two not by how you feel about them but instead by what they are showing you.