why leaders have to be able to say “no”
one of the most common themes among dysfunctional teams is their inability to have difficult conversations. often this comes top down. i consistently find that team leaders or senior executives struggle with a simple yet solid word : no.
no ... that's not what we discussed.
no ... that's different from what we planned.
no ... that won't work.
no ... you can't keep doing it that way.
no ... it needs to be done differently.
there are so many times when leaders opt out of using the word no because they fear that it is abrasive or unkind or going to create conflict within the system. but team leaders must be able to set firm boundaries around their expectations and the needs of any given project. still not convinced? let me break it down.
no is a simple way to set a boundary.
in other areas in our life we use the word no to set a boundary. to delineate between what’s okay and what’s not okay. we use the word in our personal relationships : no, i don’t like it when you use that word with me. in parenting : no, you may not use my phone to watch youtube. and in the relationship that we have with ourselves : no, i don’t need another piece of pumpkin pie. using the word allows you to exercise a page out of your boundary playbook and helps both you and others understand what’s ok and what’s not. in your working relationships and with teams it’s the same concept. the word no provides guidance to those around you and helps them understand what’s all good and what’s not so copacetic.
leaning into what’s uncomfortable sets a precedent for your team.
your team is looking for guidance. those that work for you and are supervised by you are peering up and gathering data from you at all moments to help them decide on which direction they need to go. honest and clear communication is the best way to stop them from guessing and guide them towards more efficient work. when you lean into a firm no and demonstrate that it’s okay to be clear on what you expect or where things need improvement you are teaching them that clarity is priority. this will inevitably bleed into other areas of their work and the work they engage in with each other. you will be creating a safe container for honest conversations to be had which typically boosts productivity.
trust among the players will only grow stronger.
across the board it is the maybes and the lukewarm terms that create discord and inefficiencies. i see this time and time again in my work with execs and team leaders. interviews with team members often point back to a lack of consistency within the leader and difficult in knowing what’s expected. in essence : trust is fractured. even though using the word no can make people uncomfortable it helps to build trust. if your team can trust that you’ll tell them when a job was done well AND when it wasn’t they will find you more reliable. they will feel like they are being guided in the right direction and not left out in the dark to figure it out on their own.
our aversion to the word no is not saving businesses and creating cultures of safety. it is having the opposite impact. get more comfortable using the word - at home and at work. it will pay off with a more cohesive and efficient team across the board.
