make the best of any crisis.
i dropped a block on my gerbil’s tail once. it bled way more than one might expect and left a path of tiny crimson droplets on the carpet in my room. i cried a lot, also way more than one might expect. looking back on it i am not surprised by my response, nor by the fact that i still remember it. vividly in fact. i’ve always had a knack for empathy - which may be an odd thing to have a knack for - but it’s the truth. Which is why the current times both draws me in and also calls for my most important protection - boundaries.
where empathy meets togetherness.
as a psychologist, i am regularly in the trenches with my clients. working to help them see light through deep depressive episodes, find the calm in the storm of anxiety, or grasp the safety lines during times of addiction and deeply unhealthy behaviors. one of the most important things that i have learned over the last fifteen years of working with individuals is that if i am not keeping myself healthy and keeping track of my own boundary structures, i am in trouble. and this time is of course no different. except for one thing - the empathy given now is not just, “i see you and i hear you.” but now, “I am with you. really with you.” because in so many ways i am. we are all experiencing this time differently but there are some real commonalities that we all face: fear of the unknown future, uncertainty around whether our own physical health can hold up, and grief for what we have lost and may never get back, be it money, a level of naïveté, or a loved one.
the hard truth is, we are both in struggle. while i am working desperately to maintain the boundaries in place between myself and my clients, ensuring to separate their struggles from my own and taking much needed moments of self-reflection in order to be present for each client, i am also suffering with them. and so i must work even harder to ensure that my own experience of current struggle does not get entangled with theirs. it is critical that i leave the space between open for them to process their own emotional whiplash and leave it free from the ‘same here’ that sits ripe on the edge of my tongue. i need to be especially careful that the invisible boundary between us remains so that i do not expel my own struggle into their space and that I process theirs from a healthy perspective.
how boundaries arrive.
and this is what I work with each and every day that this crisis continues - a deep acknowledgement for where they end and I begin. and here’s the thing, one might interpret this ever present navigations as a burden, a reason to step away. that to carry my own suffering at this time, as well as that of my family’s, and still hold much needed space for the suffering of my clients might just be too much. in fact, however, this is exactly what I was meant to do. and if you too are on the front lines in some way shape or form, you know what this feels like: your purpose and contribution is called up in such a way that you are reminded of how much in fact you are precisely where you are meant to be, doing what you were meant to do.
from crisis to contribution.
what keeps me grounded, present and stable during these times isn’t complicated. i remain committed to a few practices that allow me to keep calm, focused, and grateful.
remember that your contribution matters. you may not be on the front lines, serving others, or in the thick of this mess but that doesn’t mean that your contribution to the world is insignificant. perhaps you made a friend laugh the other day, consoled a family member, posted something heartfelt that left others responding in kind, or shared a business idea with a colleague. no matter how big or small, what you do and say matters. Remember your value.
make time for yourself. by yourself. right now, there is so much content out there that’s encouraging you to be productive, start new projects, engage, engage, engage. It can feel like a lot and we already have TONS going on around us. it’s okay to disengage. Make some time for yourself - and make sure it’s BY yourself. take an EXTRA long shower. go for a walk, ALONE. close your bedroom door, turn off the lights, lay on the floor and just be with your own thoughts.
dial in on your non-negotiables. what are non-negotiables? they are the things in your day that you CANNOT live without. one of mine? going outside. i normally go for a run outside but on my days off, i will take time to just sit outside and breathe the fresh air. ask yourself - what do I need to do every day because if i do this thing I will be exponentially more present and capable?
communicate your needs. the people around you - whether under the same roof or not - are not mind-readers. We all need support. we are in this together! AND, your friends and family won’t know how to help you or encourage you if you don’t tell them. feeling lonely? say, “honey, I need a hug.” feeling scared? ask your friend to tell you (yes, with these exact words), “it’ll be okay.” need some space? tell your kids, “i need some alone time.” being clear in what you need is KIND, not entitled.
drop the comparisons. when we are feeling stressed or overwhelmed, one of the first things that can fly out the window is the security we have in ourselves. what fuels this insecurity? comparisons. if you find yourself comparing what you’re doing to what others are doing and regularly close out the session with, “i’m not doing enough - working out enough - eating well enough - helping enough…” etc, etc, then you’re putting yourself in a nasty position. drop the comparisons, get off social media if you have to, and be okay with where you are.
wonderful comrades, now is the time to be both strong and crumble if you need to. remain convicted in that which keeps you stable. take care of yourself. hold on tight and find comfort in knowing that your contribution matters at an extraordinary level. we are all needed - for each other and with each other. and march onward.
